Nicole vs. Life
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
