been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
