:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize