Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
