You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
