I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
