I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
