remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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