Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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