did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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