take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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