When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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