it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
