Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
