FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize