Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
