Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
pray to the hookup gods
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize