Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
