dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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