can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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