Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
