You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
