I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
FUCK WHALES
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
