I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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