It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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