i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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