Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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