He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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