I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize