just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
