This show inspires me to have sex in space
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
