dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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