well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
