i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Apparently you make a good broom.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize