Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
