When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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