If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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