$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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