At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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