Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
