I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She's the barista slut.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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