I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
