I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize