his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
