how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize