member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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