you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
