she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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