i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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