I should be sponsored by Trojan
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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