Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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