there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
