I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
