You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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