I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize