worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
