dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
