He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
