i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
