I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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