Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
