Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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