This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
